


The hero you want me to be.

by blooming_sunrise



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23723665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blooming_sunrise/pseuds/blooming_sunrise
Summary: The only thing that doesn't really change is how much they love each other.From teenagers forced to co-exist to best friends and more feelings and experiences along the way.Jessica Jones and Patricia Walker have a complex relationship with depts that they have yet to discover.orthe things I saw in season one.
Relationships: Jessica Jones & Patricia Walker, Jessica Jones/Patricia Walker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

Maybe it was because Trish wasn’t entirely a terrible person, or maybe because any decent human would find what happened at the Walker’s house totally disturbing. Mrs. Walker was batshit crazy and Jessica had witnessed all the abuse towards Trish.

How can she do that to her own daughter?

She didn’t think anything about the brush, but when the marble felt at her feet she was completely shocked, without thinking she took the broken piece and lifted it over her head, it was mindblowing.

That’s when Trish stormed into the bathroom with a bleeding arm. Jessica tried to deflect but she wasn’t very successful.

“You’re a freak,” Trish said after trying to move the chunk of marble. “I mean that in a positive way”

“Can you find a nicer word?”

“Gifted?”

“I guess”

"I have to tell mom," Trish said. "You can't hide this."

Was she insane? Her mom was dangerous. Jessica had to protect herself and she only knew one way to do it.

“If you tell anybody, I’m gonna tell everybody that you’re a pathetic victim of child abuse”

“Don’t you dare”

“They’ll make a life-time movie about it. I’d be saving you" She would, she had thought about it before but it was really none of her business.

“No!”

“Then it’s a standoff”

“Okay, deal. I don’t tell and you don’t save me” 

* * *

She couldn't get it out of her mind, she really wanted to know more about Jessica’s powers, but she didn’t really want to talk to Jessica.

She got up and passed tentatively by Jessica’s door. The lights were on. She knocked, she had nothing to lose. There was no answer after a few moments so Trish opened the door. Jessica was in bed with her headphones, she frowned when she saw Trish standing at her door and took the headphones off.

"What do you want?" Jessica said annoyance clear in her voice.

"Nothing."

"Well, you are in my room."

"I guess I'm curious," Trish said taking another step into the room. "I've never met anyone with powers."

"Me neither" she shrugged. "How's your arm?"

"Better."

"I guess you can come in," Jessica said rolling her eyes.

Trish closed the door and sat opposite to Jessica on the bed.

"How does it feel? Like being strong and all."

"I don't know," she said crossing her arms "weird."

"What else can you do?"

"I don't know, Trish, the bathroom thing was an accident."

"What happened?"

"You and your mom were fighting."

"And? We're always fighting."

"It stresses me out. It's not normal."

"Yeah," Trish bit her lip. "Maybe we should test them, your powers, I mean."

"Aren't you like busy all the time?"

"I have a little bit of time on Sunday if you want to hang out, and, you know, see what you can do."

"I guess that's not the worst idea."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our little Jessica breaks a promise and that makes her and Trish closer.

Hanging out with Trish was more pleasant than she thought, they made it a habit. After testing Jessica's powers a few times they started to do other things just for fun, like watching crappy movies, listening to music, and having late-night conversations, everything was pretty low key, Trish couldn't go out and have fun like a normal teenager very often, and Jessica was more than okay with that, after all, she wasn't a normal teenager, not only because she could lift a car over her head or because of the accident, even before that, she never felt she was like her peers, she was never good at fitting in.

With Trish she felt a little less self-conscious, she smiled more and talked about things she was too scared to say aloud. It was all very new, she wasn't even sure they were really friends.

“Can you help me rehearse?” Trish asked putting the script on Jessica's bed.

“Do you even know me?”

“Come on, I'm super bored and I have to learn this. You just have to read the words, it's not like I'm expecting you to act.” Jessica rolled her eyes and took the script.

“This is a one-time thing,” she said sitting by the pillows.

Trish sat down at her side. They read the script a few times, Trish had undeniable talent, the show was mostly trash but she did a great job, it was captivating.

“The kiss comes out of nowhere,” Jessica said, “like there's no reason for this Ben guy to kiss your character at that moment.”

“I know, most kisses in the show are like that and way more uncomfortable than they need to be.”

“Ew, what do you mean?”

“Well, we don't get it normally in one take so there is that but also... I don't know the whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable.”

“Can you say anything? Like talking to the director or the actor you're in the scene with?”

“They don't really care, and just end up saying that I'm being difficult or shit like that.”

“That's fucked up. And it's even more fucked up that your mom won't do anything about it.”

“Well, she is always looking out for my career.”

“It is crazy to me like I didn't have an excellent relationship with my mom but at least she would always back me up if I was uncomfortable,” Jessica said with no purpose in mind. “She used to said that no one should touch me unless I want them to.”

It occurred to Jessica, after Trish didn't say anything, that that story wasn't helpful at all, it might even make her feel worse.

“Is it anything you like?” Jessica asked. “about what you do.”

“I don't absolutely hate the spotlight, there's a lot of things I can do with it, this is all temporary, someday I'll use my fame to make a difference in this world,” Trish said with a small smile. “As ridiculous as Patsy is I get letters from little girls telling me how I inspire them, that's the only fan mail I like to get.”

“The rest are just creeps, probably.”

“Yeah, it's very disgusting.”

“It's nice that you have that. A goal.” Jessica said shoving the script away. “I never knew what I wanted to do with my life.”

“Well, now you're super strong, you can do pretty much anything.” 

* * *

“Stop it!” Jessica was in the bathroom before she could think any better, she just had to do something.

“Get out!” Mrs. Walker faced Jessica. “This is private.”

“Let her go.”

“Jess, get out,” Trish said sitting by the toilet with red eyes, and Jessica couldn't bring herself to listen.

“This is family business,” Mrs. Walker said standing in front of Jessica. “You're not part of any family.”

“You promised not to save me.”

“I can't help it.” Mrs. Walker took Jessica's arm and at that moment she threw her against the wall breaking down some frames. Mrs. Walker was terrified and Trish a little bit shocked.

“Now she knows,” Trish said looking up at Jessica.

“Good.” She had a small smile on her lips. Jessica never had wide smiles, there were only small ones. 

* * *

"Hey," Jessica said standing a little shy at Trish's door. They normally hang out in Jessica's room.

"Hey, come in."

"How are you?" Jessica asked sitting on the bed.

"I'm okay, I'm a little worried, though."

"About your mom?"

"About what she might do to you."

"So, you aren't mad at me?"

"Of course not, Jess," Trish said, then paused for a moment. "I feel protected, no one has ever protected me."

"I won't let anyone hurt you, ever," Jessica said taking one of Trish's hands.

"What about you?" Trish said. "Who protects you?"

"I can protect us both."

They sat in silence for a while, they were comfortable with each other but they also didn't know what to say, their relationship had changed so much in the past few weeks that everything felt new and uncertain.

"Jess," Trish spoke first. "Are we friends? Like I know at the beginning we didn't like each other and my mother made very clear we weren't sisters, that the whole you living here was all to make us look better, but now... I don't know it feels like we're friends."

"I like you a lot, Trish, so I guess we're friends."

"I like you a lot too, Jessica Jones."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I don't normally write fanfic, I'm doing this just for the sake of doing it. I'm having fun with it and I hope you find it at least a bit interesting or entertaining.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're just curious teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... I'm very insecure about this one. I've never written anything like this so I wasn't sure about even posting it but here it is.

“You can sleep here if you want,” Trish said. It was late and Jessica's room was a few steps away but she really couldn't bring herself to just go, she didn't say it a lot but she enjoyed hanging out with Trish and watching the terrible 90s movies she loved so much.

“Wouldn't that be weird? I mean my room is right there” she said pointing vaguely to the door.

“I know but, wouldn't it be fun to just stay at each other's rooms sometimes and talk or watch movies until the last possible minute?”

“Maybe.”

Jessica didn't sleep in Trish's room that night and hadn't offered her to stay at hers. She still had nightmares she wasn't ready to talk about. But Trish was right, it could be fun and Trish was the only thing at that house that felt familiar and comfortable and she was a little bit tired of sleeping there all alone. It was different when she had a family, she slept alone in her own room but she knew every space of her house and everything was familiar and safe. The Walker's home wasn't safe, at all.

Mrs. Walker hadn't touched Trish since that evening at the bathroom, she was still a bitch but she laid off of her daughter a little bit and it was good. She didn't even mention how much time they were spending together, Jessica didn't regret it at all, if she could do it all over she would step up for Trish all over again, powers or not. 

* * *

“Trust me, I'm smart, or at least that's what my tutor says.”

“Okay, it doesn't matter anyway.”

“Come on, one of us has to go to college, and that's you.”

“I thought you were the smart one,” Jessica said, closing her book.

“Yeah, smart people don't need college,” Trish said and Jessica laughed.

“What's next, Ms. Jones?”.

Homework was lots less awful with Trish around, mostly because for some reason, Trish liked it, she didn't get to do it, she was at school only for exams, and yeah, she got good grades, she was perfect. It would've been annoying for Jessica if Trish wasn't as great as she was, she was funny and didn't act like royalty, not anymore, anyway.

It was nice spending time with someone that didn't look at her like the poor orphan who then got to be 'Patsy's sister'. It was weird, everyone at school seemed pathetic and boring and looked at her like she was a freak, but of course with Trish everything was different.

Jessica never had any real friends, and she hated that she had to lose her family to have Trish, it didn’t seem fair. It wasn’t, life wasn’t fair. She knew that she would’ve never talked to Trish if she didn’t have to live in her house and she was really grateful for having Trish, she couldn’t imagine her life without her, she had problems saying it aloud but Trish made her happy. 

* * *

“You okay?” Jessica asked when Trish walked into her room not looking very good.

“Could I stay here tonight?” She said laying on the bed. “I just don't wanna be alone.”

“What happened?”

“It's everything, I feel so small and scared, I feel like I can't make any decisions about me and my career,” Trish said sitting up, looking at Jess. “It's just too much, and if I'm alone I'll just, I don't know... I just don't want to be alone.”

“Yeah, you can stay,” Jessica said. “What do you wanna do?”

“We should watch a movie, a movie you want to watch.”

Jessica wasn’t really interested in movies, she picked a mystery thriller that turned out to be quite boring and predictable. Trish was falling asleep at her side. Jessica turned off the movie and they both got into bed, Trish was asleep after a few minutes and Jessica was a little bit jealous of how easy she made it seem, for Jessica falling asleep was more of a challenge, it had been that way since she could remember, but after the accident, she could sleep a couple of hours if she got lucky, part of her was trying to avoid the nightmares.

The accident played over and over again in her head, she felt guilty more than anything.

“No,” she said quietly opening her eyes, her little brother’s voice still loud in her head.

“You okay?” Trish asked half-sleep.

“Yeah, go back to sleep.”

“Do you have nightmares often?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does, come on, Jess” she dozed off a little, “talk to me.”

“It’s just about the accident,” Jessica said hoping that would stop the questions but Trish was looking at her like she expected more than that. “I think it was my fault,” she said kinda hoping Trish didn’t hear it.

“No, it wasn’t,” Trish said immediately. “Were you driving?”

“No, but my brother and I... we were fighting and my dad got distracted because of that, and then it happened, I was such a brat and that’s why they’re dead if I hadn’t distracted him, maybe...”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Trish said taking Jessica’s hand under the covers. “It wasn’t, Jess, there’s nothing you could’ve done differently.”

“I don’t know...”

“I do, you shouldn’t be blaming yourself, it was an accident, you did nothing wrong.”

Jessica didn’t fully believe it, still felt guilty but she didn’t know how much she needed to hear that it wasn’t her fault. She held back the tears and squeezed Trish’s hand as a response. 

* * *

It had been a weird day, she put the note quickly in her pocket when she saw Trish in her room.

“Hope you don't mind I'm here,” Trish said looking for something. “I think I left my scarf.”

“Yeah is right there,” Jessica said taking the scarf from under some jackets.

“Thanks. See you later? I have this thing right now” Trish said rolling her eyes.

“Sure.”

It was weird, probably a joke. She was trying to do homework, or trying to find an excuse to not do homework but couldn't stop thinking about that note.

It was the fourth period when Dylan stood in front of her and gave her the note asking her to go to homecoming with him, it was immature to give her a note with two boxes that said yes and no like they were in fifth grade, also dances were dumb, she didn't even like Dylan, she didn't like anybody at school and was very clear about that, so it was probably a joke. She let the note on the desk next to her half-done homework then took a book and started reading it on her bed.

Trish was closing the door to her room before Jessica even realized they were home. She took her headphones off and Trish covered her face with her hands and then sighed.

“How was your thing?” Jessica asked.

Trish gave her a half-hearted glare and sat on the bed. “Why do I always feel like my mom is trying to sell me?”

“Because she is, you need to be careful” Jessica answered only half-joking.

“I'm going to be a movie star soon, though.”

“Is that good?”

“Yeah, kind of, it's not bad” Trish shrugged. “Maybe I'll be able to finally let the Patsy thing go.”

“Well that is good, you hate Patsy.”

“I do, I'd probably be in therapy for years about that.”

“Yeah, _that's_ the thing that's going to put you on therapy.”

“Anyway, how was your day?”

“Same as always,” Jessica said.

“Did you finish your homework?”

“Who are you? My mom?”

“That's a no, then” Trish got up and walked to the desk.

“I did finish everything that's due tomorrow, though.”

“What is this?” Trish said with the note in her hand.

“It must've fallen out of a nine-year-old kid's pocket,” Jessica said dismissing the smile Trish was wearing.

“Come on, it's sweet, who gave it to you?” Trish said sitting in bed in front of her.

“Guy named Dylan.”

“Is he cute? Are you going to say yes?”

Jessica just glared at her. She knew she wasn't a dance kind of girl.

“It could be fun, you know?”

“I'm pretty certain it can't, everyone at school is lame or mean.”

“Which are you?”

“I like to think I'm mean.”

“Probably, I mean you're going to say no to poor Dylan.”

“I don't even know him and I hate dances.”

“Have you ever been to one, though?”

“I don't need to,” Jessica said putting the headphones on the nightstand. “Why do you care anyway?”

“I just do,” Trish said moving a little closer to Jessica. “Have you ever dated anyone?”

“No. Have you?”

“No,” Trish said looking almost disappointed. “I've never even kissed anyone, like for real.”

“Me neither” Jessica simply said.

“Don't you want to?” Trish asked.

"Yeah, maybe, I don't really care about that.”

“Are you going to say no to Dylan because you're afraid? Because you don't know how to kiss?” Trish teased.

Jessica rolled her eyes. “That's stupid.”

* * *

Everyone at school was really excited about the homecoming dance but Jessica was glad she didn't go, she was hanging out in her room with Trish, as usual. Trish was also glad Jessica didn't go because she didn't have to be alone.

“I could teach you, you know,” Trish said.

They were used to be in silence, doing their own thing but in the same room.

“Teach me what?”

“To kiss” she answered putting the script away and moving to sit next to Jessica. “I haven't kissed anyone for real but I know how to do it.”

“If you want to kiss me, you just have to ask,” Jessica said with a smug smile.

“I'm serious, maybe next time a guy asks you out you won't say no.”

“I said no because I don't like Dylan and I don't like dances.”

“But Dylan is cute,” Trish said frowning.

“How do you know he's cute?” Jessica asked with a similar expression on her face.

“I might've done some research.”

“You're so weird,” Jessica said and then it turned her attention back at the book she was reading. “Maybe I'm just not interested.”

“Are you not interested in boys?”

“No really.”

“Are you like... interested in, maybe, girls?”

“No, Trish, is not like that, I'm just not interested in dating that's all,” Jessica said way too fast and then insisted that Trish was being stupid and she should go back to her script. 

* * *

It was so very stupid.

Jessica wasn't interested in kissing anyone but then again after Trish mentioned she couldn't get the idea out of her head.

Not only of kissing someone, but kissing Trish.

There she was sitting opposite to her and looking so incredibly pretty but so comfortable and familiar. Maybe Trish being her first kiss wasn't a terrible idea, they were friends, there was no one in the world she trusted most.

“What?” Trish said when she saw Jessica staring at her.

“Nothing” Jessica shrugged.

“You were staring”

“Yeah”

“Why?” Trish asked and Jessica rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours.”

“That's patronizing.”

“I'm serious, I never know what you're thinking.”

“I was actually thinking about what you said the other night,” Jessica bit her lip. “about kissing.”

“Oh,” Trish said smirking. "Jess if you want to kiss me, just ask”

“Wouldn't that be weird though?”

“I don't think so, I mean, I've heard about how girls just kiss, like for fun, I don't know, it doesn't mean anything.”

“Okay,” Jessica said looking down.

Trish moved to sit closer to Jessica but she wasn't quite next to her yet, she was still in front of her, she didn't know what to do, her heart was beating a little bit faster.

“So...” Trish breathed out.

“It feels weird.”

“Yeah, let's just forget about it” Trish sat next to Jessica and took her headphones.

“Play me something.”

Jessica was still thinking about it. She really wanted to kiss her, so while Trish had her headphones on she moved and pressed briefly Trish’s lips with her own.

“Is it okay?” she asked still a little too close to Trish.

“Yeah,” she said putting her hand under Jessica's ear and pulling her into a deep kiss.

It was awkward but instinctive, Jessica's hands moved to Trish's waist and she broke the kiss. Eyes still closed, hearts beating faster and irregular breathing. Jessica sat back down to her side.

“Was that okay?”

“Yeah, Trish, it was perfect.” 

* * *

“Hey, Jess,” Trish said locking the door.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Free, like for the whole day, and we have the house for ourselves.”

“Yeah?” she said smirking. “What do you have in mind?”

It was ridiculous the amount of time Jessica spent daydreaming about kissing Trish. But for Trish it was a little bit of a scape, she knew that after a long and most terrible day of work she could get home and be with Jess, and as a bonus, she could make out with her.

Trish was on her lap, her hands were tangled on Jessica's hair, she was kissing her deeply, there was a new level of trust and understanding that came with making out almost every night.

Jessica was sure that Trish was so much better at it, Jessica was still a little self-conscious, not sure what to do with her hands and not knowing if she was doing okay, but she liked kissing Trish and imagined it was better than kissing boys, Trish was careful and attentive in a way not even Jessica was and she was so beautiful in a way no boy could ever be.

But it was still innocent, they were just friends, but Jessica couldn't quite say it was meaningless, maybe it was because they felt safe with each other when everything else outside of the room felt uncertain and dangerous or maybe it was because they were teenagers but it seemed like they couldn't get enough of it.

“I have to do homework,” Jessica said between kisses.

“Are you serious?” Trish asked resting her forehead in Jessica's. Jessica tried to nod and they both laughed.

* * *

The hands started to play a part at some point, Jessica didn't realize until Trish's hands were under her shirt dangerously close to her chest, she wasn't nervous just a little pleasantly surprised.

She slowly moved her hands under Trish's shirt and moved closer to her. Trish was wearing pajama shorts, one of Jessica's hands slowly stroked Trish's leg. It was a barely-there touch that made Trish move a bit causing a little friction in the middle of her legs.

She stopped and bit her under lip, her eyes were closed. Jessica chuckled and without warning, she moved them both so she was on top and Trish was laying on the bed.

“Is this okay?” she asked, her voice a little husky.

“Yeah,” Trish said pulling Jessica into another kiss.

Jessica's leg was right in the middle of Trish's so every movement caused a different reaction in Trish when they both moved Trish let out a small sound that Jessica wanted to listen to in a loop, but a couple of movements later was when it stopped.

“It's late,” Trish said and Jessica sat at her side. “I should go,” she said getting up.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sleep well.”

When Trish first thought about kissing Jessica she didn't imagine she would be in her room, touching herself thinking about all the things Jessica Jones made her feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping you didn't hate it.  
> Next chapter is the last one of them as teenagers, I'll post it as soon as I can.  
> Stay safe <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes you have to sacrifice a good thing for a future (or for a person)

“Let’s take a break,” Jessica said pushing away the textbook.

“There's no time for breaks,” Trish said taking it. “You have to pass this exam.”

“And I will, I always do.” 

“But I want you to get an A.”

“Why?” 

“To show you that you can do it, you're so much smarter than you think”

“Really think so?” Jessica asked smiling a little.

“I know so,” Trish said without looking up. “Seriously Jess, you are so fucking extraordinary”

Jessica’s smile grew bigger, it always did when Trish swore, but she also felt something warm and familiar in her chest, it quickly moved to her stomach and she imagined that's what people meant by butterflies.

If she was being honest she didn't want to take a break because she knew she would end up on Jessica's lap and she loved it there but maybe she loved it a little too much. She needed to talk to Jessica but she didn't even know how it would be the beginning of that conversation. She couldn't even name her own feelings.

They were able to study a bit more before they were too distracted by each other.

“Can I kiss you?” Jessica asked and Trish smiled before nodding. It was usually Trish the one that asked that question.

Kissing Jessica never got old but that evening Trish was too distracted by her stomach feeling all weird even when she was just thinking about Jessica, it wasn't even intentional, lately it was like there was nothing but her.

“Are you okay?” Jessica asked noticing Trish was distracted.

“Yeah, I'm okay,” Trish said biting the inside of her cheek. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Do you like this?” She said a little self-conscious.

“Making out with you? Yeah, I really really like it.”

“You think it is normal?”

“Probably not, but that's not a bad thing, normal is overrated,” Jessica said and bit her lip. “Besides, nothing about our lives is normal.”

“I know, that's not what I mean,” it was uncharacteristic for Trish to be that shy. “We're friends, right? I don't think friends make out as much as we do.”

She was right, but _friends_ seemed a little too far away when Trish was on Jessica's lap, mindlessly playing with her hair.

“Maybe we're something else, but we're friends first and over anything else, it's easier if we remember that.”

“Easier...” Trish echoed. She didn't know what she expected from that conversation, she wasn't sure of what she wanted to say, but she needed to know if they were on the same page.

“Yeah” Jessica whispered.

“Jess...” Trish said forcing herself to look Jessica in the eyes. “Why do we need a baseline?”

Jessica didn't answer right away. She was playing with the hem of Trish's shirt. “Because I really like you, and I don't want to lose you.”

“I really like you too,” Trish said deciding it was enough and kissing Jessica softly.

* * *

It was past midnight and they were sitting in the back yard looking at the stars. Trish was wrapped around a blanket and Jessica had an oversized hoodie. Trish suggested that they could go out when Jessica couldn't sleep. 

  
“Let's play what-ifs.”

“What is that?”

“Is game where we imagine our perfect life,” she said smiling. “Is like... what if my mother would care more about me than my career?”

“You wouldn't have to be afraid of her.”

“I probably wouldn't be as famous but I wouldn't be as miserable either.”

“That's the game?” 

“Yeah, now you try” 

“Okay, what if my family was still alive?” 

“You wouldn't have to deal with my mom.” 

“I wouldn't feel so alone.”

“You probably wouldn't have your powers.” 

“Probably not. You think we would've met?” Jessica said sounding a little sad at the possibility of not having Trish. 

“Of course, we were meant to be in each other's lives,” she said taking Jessica's hand in the dark. “What if we move out when were eighteen? You go to college and I pay for it.”

“Who says I want to go to college?” 

“The flyers in your room.” Trish shrugged. Jessica rolled her eyes. 

“Where would we live?”

“A small apartment, close to the university.”

“With big windows, you need big windows,” Jessica said. Her thumb was tracing small circles on the back of Trish's hand. 

“What if you were a superhero?”

“Just because I'm crazy strong doesn't mean I should be a superhero.”

“But you could, like even just taking care of others around our future neighborhood as you do with me.”

They did some more ‘what ifs’, planning a life together far into the future maybe it was too good to be true but right there everything seemed possible.

Trish sat a little straighter after they were in silence for a while. She started to play nervously with her hair and turned to find Jessica's eyes that were already on her waiting patiently for wherever she had to say.

“What if...” she paused breathing deeply. “What if I had feelings for you?”

“You mean like...”

“Yeah, those feelings.”

Jessica looked up. “Trish, don't, don't have those feelings, I'm not good enough for that.”

“Of course you are, Jess.”

“No, I'm not, and we're better off as friends, or whatever or relationship is without those feelings, is less complicated, right?”

“Right.”

“I don't even know if I really like girls...”

“Me neither, but I like you.”

“I like you too,” Jessica said and bit her lip. “I'm not saying I don't feel like you do, I just think it's easier if we don't.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Jessica echoed trying to figure out how to take away the little flash of hurt on Trish’s eyes.  
Trish saw it, somehow she saw it so she smiled and leaned forward and kissed her lightly.

“We are going to be fine” she whispered in her lips and kissed her again.

* * *

It was different, none of them had said anything, but every kiss and every touch felt different after that night under the stars. It was barely noticeable but they both felt it.

They were on Jessica's bed basically just looking at each other. Trish was playing with the bracelet Jessica was wearing on her left wrist and Jessica was playing with Trish's hair.  
It was quiet and safe and comfortable, they were totally into each other, filling each other's senses and thoughts... and feelings.

Jessica put a lock of hair behind Trish's ear and smiled at her.

“You're the best thing that ever happened to me” she whispered. “And God, you're so fucking beautiful.”

Trish smiled and lowered her head, nuzzling it in Jessica's neck.

* * *

“Are you insane?” Mrs. Walker asked Trish while pulling her into her room. “This is a very creative way to mess everything up.”

“What are you talking about?” Trish said, unconsciously stepping away.

“I was checking the cameras and I saw you two kissing, I knew something was up with all the time you were spending with her but I didn't think you were like that. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”  
Mrs. Walker took her daughter by the arm so hard it was hurting.

“Do you think I'm stupid? What are you playing at? I should've got rid of her from the beginning. She was the biggest mistake I ever made.”

“I think bringing Jessica here was the only good thing you've done. Let me go.” Trish was keeping her calm even though she was really scared for both of them.

“You're so fucking stupid, aren't you? Imagine what would happen if the word gets out. It's the last thing we need, this is the one thing people don't forget.” Mrs. Walker pushes her to the bed. “I can't kick her out yet but you can't be around her anymore, understood?”

“We live in the same house.”

“I'm taking this easy and you better appreciate that, I know you're confused and you want to screw us over but I'm not going to let you do it.”

“It isn't about you.”

“So what are you telling me, Patricia? Are you telling me you're a lesbian?” Trish looked down. “I'm not going to let her ruin everything we've been working for, I'm not gonna let her ruin your career.”

“She won't ruin anything.”

“This ends now, I don't care what it is, it's over, and you're lucky no one in the house found out first.”

Trish didn't even know what to say. She imagined it worse and she was scared it would get worse if she said something else. So she sat in her room not knowing what to do or how to feel.

* * *

“Sit down” Mrs. Walker was waiting when Jessica arrived from school.

Jessica let her backpack fall onto the couch and crossed her arms standing in front of Trish's mother. She knew what it was about, Trish gave her the heads up.

“I want you to stay away from my daughter,” Mrs. Walker said, as expected.

“That's not your decision to make and I don't give a fuck about what you want.”

“This isn't about me or you, this is about Trish, messing around with you would ruin not only her career but her life.” Mrs. Walker said in a soft voice and Jessica wanted to kick her in the throat. “Just imagine the headlines.”

Jessica could imagine how nasty it would all be if the word got out, how terribly painful it would be for Trish but she wasn't going to admit it there.

“Wherever it was between you two it has to end, you know I'm right, Trish might not see it but you will only ruin her life, so stay away.”

Jessica hated it but it was true, it had to end.

* * *

The safety they felt was totally gone.

It had been always in the back of Jessica's mind. There was a reason why her relationship with Trish was a secret because it wasn't right, it wasn't beneficial, it wasn't safe and now it had to end.

Trish was sitting on the couch and Jessica sat in front of her, matching her expression.

“We could just be more careful,” Trish said.

“Or we could go back to being just friends.”

“We are just friends.”

“Trish...” Jessica said resisting the urge to reach out and touch her.

“I know and I get it, I just don't want to.”

“I know, me neither but it's for the best.”

“I'm so really done with that, the best for whom?”

“I know you don't realize it but you're so much more than me, so much more than us.”

“I don't know what that means.”

“You're going to do great things and you can't do it if it gets out, you know, our thing, you can't be scarred by that.”

“You mean my career can't be scarred by this.”

“People need to hear you and they won't if we continue with this, because let's be real if this goes on it's going to end badly.”

“It doesn't make any sense.”

“It's the long game, remember? You're going out to the world and inspire people to be better, to be a little more like you. You have a real purpose. To be a hero you need so much more than powers, you need a soul like yours, I might be gifted but, Trish, between us, you are the real hero.” She stopped for a moment, Trish was crying a little. “I'm not going to do anything that can jeopardize your future, you're too special for that.”

There was a long pause after that, Jessica was sure she didn't say the right thing and that she was hurting Trish while she was trying to protect her.  
Trish didn't want Jessica to feel bad for her, she knew she was hurting too.

“Those are a lot of words for saying we're not going to be making out anymore.” She said jokingly and Jessica laughed.

Maybe everything could be fine after all.

* * *

She understood one thing. If the world knew she was fooling around with her ‘sister’ it was going ruin her life. It didn't matter that her mother had made very clear she and Jessica were as good as strangers, it didn't matter that they've had to work hard to even be friends. It was unforgivable and unforgettable.

And it was unfair. If they were a boy and a girl the world could forget and forgive, but they weren't.

She saw Jessica and thought she could take it, all the dirty looks and nasty articles and a ruined career, she could take it. But she wasn't going to do that to Jessica.  
Jessica never wanted any of that, she had lived her life away from the spotlight until the accident and the last thing she needed was a scandal like that, so Trish could take it but she wouldn't put Jessica through that.

It was a standoff. Without knowing what they were doing they were both ready to protect each other.

* * *

It was so hard to be together without the physical comfort they were used to.

It was painful and confusing and awkward.  
They had to relearn how to be together and how to be them together. They had to break down their relationship to nothing and build it back up, cutting themselves along the way with all the broken pieces and keeping the cuts in secret so they wouldn't worry about each other.

It took them forever but eventually, things were normal. They found a way to be just friends. Best friends.

Their relationship was stronger than ever, they were unconditionally there for each other.  
They would protect each other at all costs, even if that meant they had to keep some of their feelings locked up away forever. It was worth it, everything was worth it if it meant they wouldn't lose each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it...  
> This is the last chapter as teenagers, we jump a little bit in time with the next one. The last two are the journey with Killgrave in season one and the aftermath of their relationship.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're not meant to be apart.

They were a little drunk and very tired.

  
They didn’t mean it, they were vulnerable and alone... and together for the first time in months, and they weren’t fighting, suddenly it wasn’t awkward, it was Jess and Trish, just them, feeling safe and nostalgic.  


They were also older, they weren’t looking for it, it just happened, and it had been...

Trish was trying to stop herself from calling it heavenly, it was just sex.   
But Jessica looked so good in her bed, so peaceful, she was still sleeping, her hair over her face. She looked content and soft and not so far out of reach like she often felt.

It could be so easy to get used to that, to waking up in Trish’s bed. It could be so wonderful to have Trish smile at her every morning. It could be... but it was more like a dream.  
Jessica sat up in the bed and ran her hands through her hair.

“Apparently we cannot sleep in the same bed” Trish whispered. 

“Apparently not” 

“It was great, though, right?” 

“Of course it was, Trish, it just can't happen again.”

“I know, Jess, don’t worry about that,” Trish said. “Hungry?”

“Yeah.”

It was less awkward than they thought it would be, but they couldn't undo anything about their lives, no matter how much they wanted to.

* * *

Maybe they should've worked harder in their friendship but they were living such different lives and trying really hard to see each other as just friends.

Trying to pretend they didn't love each other as they did was exhausting. So they kind of grew apart but they couldn't stay away, so even when they weren't on the same page anymore they kept trying to make their friendship work, sometimes it ended up bad but they always found their way back.

* * *

Jessica was just glad they didn't have to rush into a hospital at 2 am. 

She felt she was losing everything every time Trish needed a hospital, every time she got a call her mind started going to the worst-case-scenario.   
She felt guilty and conflicted and scared. She couldn't lose her, no Trish, she was the only thing she had left.

So that was better, it was bad but it was better than the alternative. They were sitting on a rooftop, having a heart-to-heart, talking like they hadn't in years, crying, and being honest, as honest as they could be.

Jessica was desperately asking Trish to not leave her, to not die like everyone else in her life.   
  
She didn't want her to suffer in any way but she wanted her to be alive and well, some things had to be done.

"I'm not leaving you alone!"

"I'd be more alone if you die."

Trish was scared, she didn't want to go back to rehab, she didn't want to be without Jessica, she didn't want to go but she could see a fear in Jessica's eyes that was so raw and vulnerable, she didn't want all those fears to come true, because she knew that would destroy Jessica, she couldn't do that.

"Can we just sit here for a while?" Trish said in a small voice and moved closer to Jessica, and Jessica moved closer to her.

It was some kind of calmness and peace they felt when they were together but at the same time, there was uncertainty and so many things left unsaid. They held hands and intertwined their fingers. 

Trish put her head on Jessica's shoulder. "I love you, Jess" she whispered.

Jessica just moved closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a small transition, but I hope you like it <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After six months, Jessica goes back to Trish. That's the only place she goes when there are any problems, the only place she feels safe.

At some point, Jessica just knew her life wasn't going to be easy, or normal, or happy... she felt how the tragedy was always following her, with Trish she felt like maybe she was wrong but life proved she was right. Happiness wasn't meant for her. She didn't deserve it. 

She really tried to not get Trish into it, she really tried to protect her but Trish wouldn't stay away, and there wasn't only Trish now. Killgrave was hers to deal with and there were so many more people in danger, so she had a plan.

"There are so many ways this could go wrong," Trish said sitting next to her. She didn't want to lose Jessica again. 

"There is one way it'd go right," Jessica said looking away. "No one else will die because of me, I'm taking myself out of the equation." There was a pause and then Jessica said: 

"I'm still not the hero you wanted me to be."

* * *

That night when she showed up at her window asking for help Trish wanted to think she was going to stay this time, she wanted her close.

She never thought she could love Jessica more but she saw her trying so hard to do the right thing that she was inspired, and when Jessica couldn't do it she felt guilty because she inspired her first, and then Jessica was gone and Trish couldn't help her. There were always so many things left unsaid between them.

But then Jessica was back and she thought that maybe, just maybe they could fix it this time.

She didn't think the solution was losing Jessica again.

Of course, she couldn't do that. _Don't have feelings_ , if only it was that easy. _I can't risk you_. Trish knew Jessica never stopped trying to protect her, she knew she would do anything if it meant she would be safe, but Trish was done with that, she wanted to protect Jessica too because she couldn't risk her either.

"I don't need your protection anymore" she tried to convince Jessica to let her help. To not push her away again.

"I wasn't protecting you" Jessica answered. It was a little bit about protecting herself too.

"You're pushing me away so you don't have to worry about me." 

This time Jessica wasn't pushing her away but she was leaving again so, it was so painfully similar. 

She was so happy when Jessica told her she was thinking about being a superhero. When she was back-in in her plans, or at least knowing the plan, she was so proud of Jessica but right now she was regretting it a little.

Because Jessica was always her hero and her plan was selfless and it could work, but it meant losing her again. Jessica still couldn't see it but she was the hero Trish knew her to be.

"You're exactly the hero I wanted you to be," she said.

She just never imagined that it meant losing her.

* * *

Of course, things didn't go as planned but Jessica still had to go.

Trish insisted they could find another way but Jessica couldn't take any risks. She wanted to hear her voice before she left in case something went wrong.

"I'm tired of missing you"

 _I'm tired of missing you too..._ Jessica never intended to love Trish, she never intended to be loved by anyone and she couldn't deal with that she couldn't let herself be in love with Trish. 

Because everyone she loved died.

She was back at her door again and Trish was so happy. Maybe it was worth the risk. Maybe she should fight, maybe she could end with the suffering of being apart. 

Maybe the best way to protect Trish was being by her side. 

Trish was okay. She had a broken rib but Trish was okay. 

Everything was going to shit, but Trish was okay.

And she wanted to end with Killgrave forever.

"What if he took someone you love," she said. "Would you let him die?"

She wasn't a killer and she wasn't going to let Killgrave make her into one, not again. 

"Lucky me, I don't have too many of those," Jessica said and Trish gave her a look. "Don't worry I'm not just keeping you around because you have pull with the morgue attendants."

"You're still looking out for me, huh?"

"I can't help it."

"Well, it's nice to be appreciated."

Jessica had smiles reserved just for her, the way she smiled at her when she put the blanket over... it made her stomach feel in a way it hadn't felt in years and that she'd be trying to avoid since Jessica was back.

It was stupid, they were grown-up now, but maybe Jessica didn't feel the same way anymore. Trish knew she loved her but she didn't know if it was in the same capacity. They should be able to sleep in the same bed.

* * *

Jessica felt she died with Trish in the ambulance. 

Her soul returned to her body when the spikes were back on the screen.

"Damn you," she said and hugged her like she used to. She was so thankful, so relieved. "Just had to be a hero, didn't you?"

"I learned from you."

She personally didn't care about being a hero, she was inclined to do the right thing but the hero gig wasn't so appealing, she never wanted the powers, she didn't want any of that. But Trish wanted that and she couldn't be mad about it, she was just really worried.

For Trish, she could be a hero, she was always going to protect her. She didn't want to be a hero. But she could be _her_ hero. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe they can be okay now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't love this ending but of all the ones I wrote this one was the one that fits with this story better.  
> It's pretty short and kinda sweet, I hope you like it c:

“I've been asking the impossible of you, I see that now. I wanted you to love me, but you've never loved anyone, you're not even capable of it, with one exception...”

She loved Trish more than she'd ever loved anyone. She was always the exception. 

Trish was the person who knew her the most, the one she couldn't push away as much as she tried, the one that stayed by her side no matter what. 

Trish was the one person that Jessica would die and kill trying to protect. 

And they made it that far thanks to her. They were now so close to winning... 

“Come here, Patsy,” Killgrave said and Trish walked to him. Jessica was trying so hard not to move. “You'd do anything to protect her, wouldn't you?” 

“Yes.”

Jessica's blood was boiling with everything he said and did next. 

There was just one way to protect her forever. 

“Let's start with a smile,” he said now standing in front of Jessica, she smiled. “Tell me you love me” he whispered. 

_Something I never said._

She looked at Trish. “I love you,” she said. There was little recognition on Trish's face. 

Jessica took Killgrave from the jaw and snapped his neck. 

And then it was over. 

* * *

They were at Trish's place. 

Jessica knew Killgrave wasn't a threat anymore but that didn't mean they could be safe, maybe it wasn't her destiny and she was okay with that but she wasn't okay with Trish being unsafe.

She wasn't okay with being away from her either. 

“Here you go,” Trish said giving her a glass of water. “Sorry, I don't have whiskey.”

“Don't worry, I'm not here for whiskey.”

Trish smiled and sat next to Jessica.

“Are you here for me?” she teased. 

“It's always for you,” Jessica said putting the glass down and looking at Trish. “I know I don't say it enough, but I do love Trish, more than anyone.”

“I love you too, Jess,” Trish said taking her hand. She wasn't sure if it was true what she felt or it was just because she wanted it. She wanted that 'I love you' to mean everything, to mean that Jessica missed her touch, her lips, and her presence in the same way Trish did. 

It was so many years ago, Trish was over it, Jessica was so sure of that until now. Trish was looking at her like before, like when they were kids and had no idea what love was but they were sure it was in each other. 

So maybe Trish wasn’t over it, maybe Trish thought about her every night too, maybe if she would kiss her, Trish would kiss her back. 

Her eyes flickered to Trish's lips and Trish told herself that it was her imagination. Jessica put a lock of the blonde hair back and smiled at the familiarity of all of that. 

“Are you staying this time?” Trish asked in a small voice. 

“Yeah, if that's okay with you.”

“I always want you to stay.” 

* * *

It was almost back to normal, it was better because they saw each other almost every day, because they were fully on each other's lives, and it wasn't because they were in a bad situation, it was because it felt right.

They were sitting on the couch watching an old movie, one that Jessica actually enjoyed. They had a blanket over them and popcorn, the room was dark and quiet and safe. It was like the world outside paused for a moment and there were only them.

“It's like old times,” Trish said putting her head on Jessica's shoulder.

 _Like old times_ Jessica thought. Like when they were teenagers discovering feelings that had no place in their relationship, stealing moments because their lives were too lonely and too scary. Like when they were just kids looking for comfort in each other's arms and they felt safe for a few hours. When they felt untouchable. When they felt everything was possible at night.

They weren't teenagers anymore, they were in control of their lives and it was stupid that those fears kept holding them back, all those unspoken feelings were always hanging heavy in the air and it would be so easy to just say it. But wast if they weren't on the same page anymore?

“Not quite like old times” Jessica whispered into Trish’s hair.

Trish looked up with an unreadable expression on her face. She thought it was her imagination but she looked at Jessica's eyes and saw something new, something raw and full of a different kind of fear, and she couldn't help the smile on her lips. One of those smiles that were only for Jessica.

Jessica put her hand in the back of her head and pull her into a soft kiss, her lips over Trish’s almost feather-like. Trish then kisses her deeply, a little more aggressive and Jessica realized they were on the same page.

Just like old times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, thank you so much for reading.  
> All my love to you <3


End file.
